New Years Resolutions Resolved

Dear Barry,

  Happy Belated Christmas! As you know, this blog has gone throw many iterations but started right after I had signed up for my first ultramarathon, the Vermont 100. Spoiler alert: I only ran 88.6 miles of that race.

During these dozen years of writing more or less frequently on this blog, I seem to always have advice to share around New Years Eve. All of a sudden, I become another infallible "expert" sharing my advice on how better to live your lives.

I can't say my advice isn't without merit, as it usually is the most current research-based information available, and it's certainly better to get balanced diets and exercise regularly than not. However, it never pays to be a hypocrite.

What I mean by that, is that in all of these years of preaching mindfulness and what not, I haven't truly practiced mindfulness myself.

And in typical Danny fashion, I shift the blame to the plethora of religious zealots ready to decry everyone else's sins and blasphemies without taking a second to realize those sins they've committed.

That doesn't matter.

Can I not suffer the  slings and arrows of (trivially) outrageous without taking arms against these seas of troubles? 

The truth is I am very good at enabling myself and justifying my own actions but at the end of the day, I need to be looking more inwardly.

For those of out there who only know me through this blog or as an acquaintance, you haven't experienced the full Danny the Douche, or dick. 

Barry, the sweetest person I know, unfortunately, has witnessed me at my most honest self. The fact that I can(easily) count on my two hands the friends that I've maintained over the years is another testament to the fact that I'm hard to be around. It seems like I have alienated nearly every person in my life that I care about. Those that have remained, seem to be bound by blood or history but it's really unjustified why I have any friends or family that I keep in touch with. 

Which, coincidently, is also a testament of my family's love for me. My mother, especially, has created a justification system for my behaviors. "Oh you were just hungry, or tired"(or after 21, drunk). Instead of allowing for me to just be a dick, my family gives me outs on why I can act so poorly so frequently. No sorry, I'm just a dick and you're better off without me. Which I know isn't an easy thing to hear or bear as a parent or a loved one, but at some point, you've got to recognize lost causes. Yes, I may get someone a nice Christmas gift, but I then ruin Christmas because I drunkenly knock down the Christmas tree or steal the presents of Cindy Lou, is it worth it? nope. It is not. 

And here I am preaching the importance of mindfulness and embracing every day. That's great(and truly important), but also selfish, if you're doing it at the expense of others.

So this year, I challenge you all(but mostly myself), to look inward and see what needs to improve to be a better global citizen and just be a person others would like to be around. I hope that one day I can be the person, I expect of others. 

Until next time,

Your Friend,

Danny

Merry Christmas

Dear Barry,

  Happy Belated Birthday, Merry Belated Christmas and Happy Early New Year!

Tillie and I made it to the US last week but Kenny and Teddie are stuck in Germany because his passport hasn't come in yet. It was really disasppointing to not have us all together at Christmas especially Teddie's first. We were lucky to have Andrew here to keep Tillie and me company to ride out quarantine and spend some awesome quality time. 

I ran by your house the other day and was reminded of when you came up to visit us when Tillie was just a few months old. It was such a nice time having you up hiking with Tillie and I cheering Kenny on at Loon Mtn, and she still talks about how I set up a playdate for her with women you and I met at the bar ;) 

We have had quite a few fun adventures of the years huh? You have always been so game to do anything that it has made for some crazy adventures. I'm looking forward to having you join our family for another adventure soon.

Hope you have a great New Year and know we will be thinking of you!

Until next time,

Danny

Sad Dream

 Dear Barry,

  I woke up from a strange dream this morning. Nothing strange occurred but it was just that it was so vivid and had many of our high school classmates in it. Some of whom I haven't seen for nearly twenty years. Strangely, I woke up sad. You know very well that I was eager to get out of high school and don't consider them my glory days(hopefully that's some time in the future;)) so I couldn't exactly pinpoint why I was sad.

Then it occurred to me: I never really said goodbye to many of them. Of course, I kept in touch with you and Chip but other than that kids we grew up with just disappeared from our lives. Some with promises of getting together in the future and some with nary a thought. But over time, they all fell out of our lives 

You will be the first to remind me how I didn't get along with plenty of them. However, I did with many, but they still fell away. Yes of course, some of them I have run into over the years. And often produces this same feeling. Like we're trying to hold on to the pieces of our friendship but there are fewer and fewer every year we've lived our own lives apart. It just leaves this feeling not quite of sadness but just incompleteness. I guess that's the way life is. People come in and out of our lives and we don't always get to get that sense of closure like I've grown accustomed to in books. Guess life sometimes differs, huh?

Does make me want to do what I need in order to keep those people in my life I value, close, even if only in mind.

Not sure why I'm telling you all this except to maybe thank you for staying in my life all these years. I appreciate you and look forward to seeing you again 

Until next time, 

Danny

PS- As always a few new photos of the family:)

We only have these moments

 Dear Barry, 

  Sorry I have written in a while. Teddie decided to make his debut a few weeks early. It's amazing how quickly time really does fly when you don't sleep. I'd love for you to explain that phenomena to me where I am awake more hours each day and yet it seems like each day goes by quicker than the one before. I also can't wait for everyone to meet him. He definitely is his own character. 

As you know, I'm trying my hardest to learn German but it's not going too well. The moment I open my mouth, every native German knows I'm American and responds to me in English. Or, on the rare occasion someone does respond in German, it is way top rapid for me to understand. Although I can now read most newspaper headlines and understand when toddlers speak to me. Mostly. And still I trudge along.

Anyway, I came across the word for moment in German. Haha, yes I know that it can be translated as moment, but the alternate translation is augenblick which literally means "eyes' glimpse" which I think is a more perfect translation of the word. 

I also get hung up on these aphorisms that life seems to throw at us everyone once in a while. It's like I am aware that I need to embrace every glimpse and moment and yet the very thought of trying to slow down time only makes it speed up.

All I know is, despite all the bad things that has happened in 2020( and you, my friend, know this far too well), I cannot throw out the baby with the bath water. Or, in this instance, the baby with the foul  year of all of our discontents. 

I may never be able to fluently speak another language but I will damn well make it abundantly clear to my loved ones that I love them and that's really all that matters.

I hope you are doing well and I miss you terribly.

Until next time,

Danny

PS. Here are some photos of your nephew Teddie

United : https://e.chase.com/T/v600000175dc6959f68d3f5b6e9666b528/7c96d9677bde45420000021ef3a0bcc2/7c96d967-7bde-4542-a90c-e331fdcc8016?__F__=v0fUYvjHMDjRPMSh3tviDHXIoXcPxvDgUUCCPvXMWoX_0JoZLAZABQF5mpMDVYup6cUHCziGgRJ2s2PlL0RJkYfIz95Yulstl9_LWlj-7NfPUFLmjwNbDvNUoWqjOnocjdszKNZAgEDbRaqPvWSXZApG3qVLPZjfJXZR01-bPyWr-Pt2sG63kYxpaT9t1kyWhXy1s7SnQi5Le70P59ObvcBD_ofDkRjPqnJO6fDa41XJIxRw3VZLM_Ip4t_sjpMUegYFG2iH-AxilTe9tWfDB8KTLdL1Z2KetGVxEOvbvdjvnUY81CPJBbZta1TUHsK5rk

Edward Abbey, Antinatalism and A Roman spring

 Dear Barry, 

     As you probably know, we are expecting an addition to the family shortly. So I found it funny the other day as I was wrapping up Edward Abbey's Desert Solitaire that I came across this quote: 

"We need coyotes more than we need, let us say, more people, of whom we have already an extravagant surplus, or more domesticated dogs, which in all fairness could and should be ground up into hamburger and used as emergency coyote food, to raise their spirits and perhaps improve the tenor of their predawn howling."

Some days I feel that about people and most days I feel that about dogs. I'm of the opinion the best animals are those in the wild, not bred into captivity, but I know you loved your dog so we'll probably disagree about that. The funny thing was right after reading  that, I read about David Benatar and his philosophy of Anti-natalism. So instead of taking the side of no people for nature's sake, I was reading about no people for people's sake. 

I'm sure you've read about it, but it was my first introduction to this theory which posits that procreation is morally bad. He goes further in stating there's an asymmetry between pleasure and pain. Pretty much meaning that while existing involving both painful and pleasant experiences, not existing involves neither pain or pleasure.. As absence of pleasure is not bad and abesence of pain is good., it is (in his argument) better to not exist(and not experience pain) than to live. He stresses he is not proposing suicide but rather the moral imperative to not expose unwitting (and non-consenting) future generations to a painful life. .

While interesting, I don't buy it. 

And as you know me well, there is no way that I am going to articulate myself well enough to present a convincing counter-argument to a world renowned philosopher but I know I'd rather live through all the goods and bads of this life than not-exist at all. And all I can say is that I will do everything in my power to ensure my children are exposed to so many more good experiences than bad that there is no chance they'd ever regret being born. I know this doesn't get to the root of no bad is still better than any bad, but still, I'm standing firm.

In other news, did you see that wealthy people perceive their lives to be longer? The thought behind it is that they have the ability to experience more novel tasks throughout their lives which ingrains more memories and distinct time points that then can be looked back upon separately and thus giving the sensation of a longer more rich(I wish pun was intended) life. 

But you don't have to be rich to do this. You just have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone and do and try new things. It was once thought that the brain cells you were born with are all that you ever will have but new evidence shows that the brain can be stimulated to continue to grow and adapt well into adulthood. The key is to provide to novel tasks. This doesn't have to be a trip to Seychelles but just doing something different or even just looking at something from a different perspective. 

Probably nothing new learned for you today but I thought I'd write to you anyway.

I've attached a few pictures from my run today. Yes those are Roman carvings from 2-4th century CE only about 1 mile from my house. Cannot wait for you to come and visit, though it feels like you're already here with me.

Until next time my friend,

Danny

Ode to my Dad

 Dear Barry, 

 

   I just assembled an IKEA end table and night stand. Yes, you can probably sense the smugness in my satisfaction that after a mere three hours of arduous labor, I was able to assemble an equivalent to a color by numbers piece of furniture. And don't give me too much credit, remember the time change and that it's almost 11pm here. Yeah, not much pride should be had here.

It's crazy, ya know. My dad had me 5 years younger than I had had Matilda but he had his $#!t so much more together. Besides making the best move in his life marrying my mom, he already had a good career, a successful side hustle(before that was even a thing), and could build an addition on his house. I barely assembled this piece of furniture. In all honesty, I had to disassemble and reassemble it due to my inability to follow the pictograms on the directions. 

Meanwhile, my father went on(while parenting two children at the time) to buy a house and then a second, get his Masters(before the Academic Arms Race era in which we currently reside), proceed to have two more children and become a Superintendent of schools.

All the while putting his family in front any/all of his own dreams.

Dad, an avid photographer, nearly disappears from view due to the nearly constant documenting of each of his children's lives(well before the advent of cameras on our supercomputers we have in our pockets). His photography hints at a love of the outdoors but that had to take a backburner to each of his children's numerous, and often disparate activities. None of which was more time consuming than basketball. A hockey fan and player, dad nonetheless, crossed over the Rubicon and converted to an devoted(if not boisterous) basketball fan. Teaching himself as he taught us, he coached our teams and watched every game he could, even when my younger brother and sister played collegiately meaning he'd be going hundreds of miles to see a game. 

Remember when when I was singing along to a song, you made a comment about my tone. I think it was something like:  I like how when you attempt to sing different notes you just sing louder or softer. Yes there is a good chance, in addition to being an incompetent handy man, I also am tone deaf. Imagine my dad's chagrin in hearing me (nearly constantly) signing off pitch all day and many long car rides. My dad, a musician like you, probably had to hold back everything he could from just yelling at me to stop the GD singing. But he never did. He never made me or my siblings feel like our little lives were anything other than the single most important part of his every day. He and my mom made us feel like we could do everything and achieve anything. 

I know I'm rambling on here so thank you for your sustained reading efforts. I just wanted to let you know that I am trying. Every day, I am trying to be half the man my father is to Matilda and baby Danny(Kenny has assured me that WILL NOT be his name). 

First things first: I'm going to try to cut down my furniture assembly time.

Until next time,

Danny

PS. Here are a few pictures from our recent trip to Amsterdam and Antwerp. Can't wait for you to join us over here. 

Trip to Italy

 Dear Barry, 

     You missed a great trip! Matilda and Kenny joined me on another work trip, this time to Italy. We visited Verona with its Roman Arena and Romeo and Juliet's houses. We visited Padua with its 13th Century Basilica and university that dates back to 1222. But the best part by far was our days in Venice. That place is amazing! Especially when there are few tourists due to an ongoing pandemic. I've never been to a city where every portion is beautiful. I can say that it is truly the most beautiful city that I've been.The fact that it is entirely pedestrianised(other than via water) is all the more appealing. Even the grocery store was in an old converted theater! 

The thing is, though, it got me thinking. Why is it all these beautiful places have such sordid pasts? Our hotel was only a few blocks from the Ghetto Nuovo. This was the world's first ghetto where Jewish residents were forced to live(and locked in at night!). It's like visiting Savannah with its slave market. Another beautiful city with blood on its hands. 

Does this mar its beauty or enhance our understanding of the multifaceted nature of human history? After all, Venice was supposedly built by refugees to escape being raped and pillaged themselves and then it turns around and becomes the oppressor.  For that matter, is there any city in this world, or people, that haven't when afforded power, taken advantage of it at the expense of another? And can history be viewed from one act or the play in it's entirety?I don't know. That's why I'm writing you. You always have such thoughtful and knowledgeable answers that I cannot wait to hear back to see what you think. 

I'll just keep exposing Matilda to all the good(and some of the bad) this world has to offer and hopefully teach her that while there certainly is and has been dark moments, the brightness will always shine through. 

I've attached some pictures of our travels.

Until next time,

Danny

Belgium-WW1 victim or perpetrator of slavery?

 Dear Barry,

  I am writing to you today from a bath in Belgium. Or a tubby as my family calls them these days. I don't know if I told you before I headed over to Germany, but part of my job requires monthly trips to Belgium and quarterly trips to Italy. Last month was great because Matilda and Kendra were able to join me. This time not so much. I'm over here by myself and it's a bit annoying. Have you ever had the experience where you enjoy so much the company of someone that when you're not with them, normally enjoyable experiences are less so? 

I know you have. I remember talking with you about Lauren and exactly this. So you know how it is. I'm here in an upgraded hotel suite with an en-suite hot tub, good food, and Belgium Trappist beers and I miss my girls. 

Okay, enough whining, that wasn't why I am writing to you. I was just writing to say I wish you could be over here and discuss with me all of the intricacies of world history. Belgium, the hapless victim of WWI and II, has a horrific history of its own that we seemingly (or conveniently) forget. The more I travel and experience in this world, the more I realize that this false dichotomy of good and bad or good and evil, is really just a way to make us feel ___. I don't know exactly to be honest. 

And that's why I wish you were here to talk to. I'd make the bold assertion that there's been no truly good or bad country and you'd slowly tilt your head, genuinely think of all the possible answers and then answer with an truly astute answer of the man who once with a 4th grader winning the Middle School geography championship. Or just a great listener and better thinker. Either way, I cannot wait to hear what you think about Europe.

Until next time,

Danny

Next Year

 Dear Barry, 

  I was thinking the other day about how I miss our talks about music. More specifically, I miss my ability to bounce my opinions off you on the quality of whatever music I was currently listening to. Usually I'd be wrapped up with a song that I thought was particularly poignant and you'd kindly explain to me the formulaic nature of the beat and lyrics that evoked the same response as a Nicholas Sparks' novel with as much substance. 

  Case in point, there's this song I've been into for a while now, and I'd really like you're opinion on whether I'm onto something or if it's just a piece of ear candy that'll leave me with lasting nourishment. 

So there it is. I'll await your response but until I hear from you, I'll keep enjoying it especially as I think it could be 2020's anthem. So many races, events, trips, even marriages and political normalcy were put on hold indefinitely with this vague next year. 

Next year is such a conniving little beast too. Not too far away, it can easily wrap you up in the security of the almost without giving you anything tangible in return. Far too often, I've seen others(and been a victim myself) fall prey to next year's false promises. It becomes so easy to say, next year will be when I [blank} which gives you the comfort of near action with the satisfaction of having a plan while doing nothing and often getting nothing in return. 

Don't get sucked in! While it's good to have some future plans, we so often lose sight of all the little miracles of each and every day. As I type this, Matilda is sleeping in the other room. I can tell you, there's no easier way to stay in the moment than watching that little tasmanian devil sleep. I know you're pretty good at staying in the moment so I'm preaching to the choir, but I feel that if I write it down it'll be more easy to act on it every day. 

Next year hopefully will be much better for so many people, but I am not planning on waiting and plan to continue to seek out joy in each of these last few months of 2020. 

Hope you can too.

Until next time,

Danny

Fond Memory

 Dear Barry, 

  I was just thinking the other day about the time you went winter hiking with me. A normally 8 mile hike turned into 16 as we had to hike 4 miles just to get to the trail head because the access road was closed due to snow. 

My favorite memory of that trip was when you showed up at my apartment with jeans, a canvas jacket, cotton mittens and Sorrel snow boots. Luckily, I was able to get you some gear that I had( a little big for me and a little small for you but still fit(ish)). Totally unprepared for 16 miles of often post-holing through thigh deep snow and kicking steps into steep icy inclines in zero degree temps. 

Despite your total lack of preparation equipment and physically(you also mentioned that you hadn't hiked for over two years and was only doing martial arts for exercise) you managed, not only to keep up but also, to keep a positive perspective. Even when we ran out of water(or in reality our Nalgene bottle froze closed), totally bonked on the descent and fell through the ice as we crossed a river. 

If I were by myself, I would have been miserable for probably 12 of those 16 miles, but with you, it was just a fun day out in the Whites. I look forward to next time we can hike together. 

Speaking of being ill-prepared, I have a trail race in Saarbrucken in 2 weeks which is 58 kilometres long. I haven't run 58 kilometres over the course of a week in quite some time so to attempt to do that in 6 or 7 hours is going to be quite interesting. But I will pretend like you're running beside me and hopefully it'll be fun.

Until next time,

Danny

Live on Forever

Well hello there!

It has been a long time and a lot has happened in the interim. And while there has been a lot of good things that has happened in that time(hey Europe and upcoming baby!) there have been some seriously messed up things too. All I can say about that is be kind to others, recognize your own cognitive biases and privilege, and wear a GD face mask.

Moving along. I recently read an article about how Virginia Woolf kept her deceased brother alive by writing letters as if he was. To the point that one of her friends was fooled for years. I don't expect to be writing To the Lighthouse any time soon but I thought even this lowly blog could take that premise to keep a dear friend of mine alive and run with it.

As many of you know my long-time friend Barry passed away back in January, most likely due to undiagnosed COVID-19. I have been feeling so sad how I couldn't find a way to eulogize or memorialize him in any meaningful way-not even being able to attend his memorial service. So rather than eulogize him, I'm going to keep him alive by writing every blog post from now on to him as if it was a letter I will be sending. Living in Germany makes this trick of the mind easier as I wouldn't be seeing him anyway. 

For those of you not wanting to take part in this trickery, I recommend you help memorialize him instead by donating to a Go Fund Me account set up to get him a memorial bench. The current GFM account is set up for a bench on the West Coast, but it'd be awesome if we could raise enough money to get him multiple benches throughout the country in all the places his presence impacted. I can envision an annual Barry pilgrimage occurring. 

Okay that's it for now. 

Remember to be kind.

Until next time,

Danny