New Years Resolutions Resolved

Dear Barry,

  Happy Belated Christmas! As you know, this blog has gone throw many iterations but started right after I had signed up for my first ultramarathon, the Vermont 100. Spoiler alert: I only ran 88.6 miles of that race.

During these dozen years of writing more or less frequently on this blog, I seem to always have advice to share around New Years Eve. All of a sudden, I become another infallible "expert" sharing my advice on how better to live your lives.

I can't say my advice isn't without merit, as it usually is the most current research-based information available, and it's certainly better to get balanced diets and exercise regularly than not. However, it never pays to be a hypocrite.

What I mean by that, is that in all of these years of preaching mindfulness and what not, I haven't truly practiced mindfulness myself.

And in typical Danny fashion, I shift the blame to the plethora of religious zealots ready to decry everyone else's sins and blasphemies without taking a second to realize those sins they've committed.

That doesn't matter.

Can I not suffer the  slings and arrows of (trivially) outrageous without taking arms against these seas of troubles? 

The truth is I am very good at enabling myself and justifying my own actions but at the end of the day, I need to be looking more inwardly.

For those of out there who only know me through this blog or as an acquaintance, you haven't experienced the full Danny the Douche, or dick. 

Barry, the sweetest person I know, unfortunately, has witnessed me at my most honest self. The fact that I can(easily) count on my two hands the friends that I've maintained over the years is another testament to the fact that I'm hard to be around. It seems like I have alienated nearly every person in my life that I care about. Those that have remained, seem to be bound by blood or history but it's really unjustified why I have any friends or family that I keep in touch with. 

Which, coincidently, is also a testament of my family's love for me. My mother, especially, has created a justification system for my behaviors. "Oh you were just hungry, or tired"(or after 21, drunk). Instead of allowing for me to just be a dick, my family gives me outs on why I can act so poorly so frequently. No sorry, I'm just a dick and you're better off without me. Which I know isn't an easy thing to hear or bear as a parent or a loved one, but at some point, you've got to recognize lost causes. Yes, I may get someone a nice Christmas gift, but I then ruin Christmas because I drunkenly knock down the Christmas tree or steal the presents of Cindy Lou, is it worth it? nope. It is not. 

And here I am preaching the importance of mindfulness and embracing every day. That's great(and truly important), but also selfish, if you're doing it at the expense of others.

So this year, I challenge you all(but mostly myself), to look inward and see what needs to improve to be a better global citizen and just be a person others would like to be around. I hope that one day I can be the person, I expect of others. 

Until next time,

Your Friend,

Danny

Merry Christmas

Dear Barry,

  Happy Belated Birthday, Merry Belated Christmas and Happy Early New Year!

Tillie and I made it to the US last week but Kenny and Teddie are stuck in Germany because his passport hasn't come in yet. It was really disasppointing to not have us all together at Christmas especially Teddie's first. We were lucky to have Andrew here to keep Tillie and me company to ride out quarantine and spend some awesome quality time. 

I ran by your house the other day and was reminded of when you came up to visit us when Tillie was just a few months old. It was such a nice time having you up hiking with Tillie and I cheering Kenny on at Loon Mtn, and she still talks about how I set up a playdate for her with women you and I met at the bar ;) 

We have had quite a few fun adventures of the years huh? You have always been so game to do anything that it has made for some crazy adventures. I'm looking forward to having you join our family for another adventure soon.

Hope you have a great New Year and know we will be thinking of you!

Until next time,

Danny

Sad Dream

 Dear Barry,

  I woke up from a strange dream this morning. Nothing strange occurred but it was just that it was so vivid and had many of our high school classmates in it. Some of whom I haven't seen for nearly twenty years. Strangely, I woke up sad. You know very well that I was eager to get out of high school and don't consider them my glory days(hopefully that's some time in the future;)) so I couldn't exactly pinpoint why I was sad.

Then it occurred to me: I never really said goodbye to many of them. Of course, I kept in touch with you and Chip but other than that kids we grew up with just disappeared from our lives. Some with promises of getting together in the future and some with nary a thought. But over time, they all fell out of our lives 

You will be the first to remind me how I didn't get along with plenty of them. However, I did with many, but they still fell away. Yes of course, some of them I have run into over the years. And often produces this same feeling. Like we're trying to hold on to the pieces of our friendship but there are fewer and fewer every year we've lived our own lives apart. It just leaves this feeling not quite of sadness but just incompleteness. I guess that's the way life is. People come in and out of our lives and we don't always get to get that sense of closure like I've grown accustomed to in books. Guess life sometimes differs, huh?

Does make me want to do what I need in order to keep those people in my life I value, close, even if only in mind.

Not sure why I'm telling you all this except to maybe thank you for staying in my life all these years. I appreciate you and look forward to seeing you again 

Until next time, 

Danny

PS- As always a few new photos of the family:)