5 Things I Hate About Myself

And sorry but this will not be a Julia Stiles-esque poem written to Heath Ledger... Which brings us to...

Top 5 Things I Hate About Myself:

1. My social awkwardness and bad humor
2. My profuse sweating
3. My argumentativeness 
4. My loud sneezing
5. My frequent bathroom breaks

Okay so let's delve into each a little deeper. For off, I want to be clear that I don't have a bad sense of humor. I can sense what is funny and have a good appreciation. But just like my appreciation for music or art, I cannot reproduce it. It's so bad that I have created an acronym to decide whether to regale someone with a joke or "funny" story. It's WAL-Would Andrew Laugh? My brother Andrew is probably my most honest(albeit also harshest) critic of my poor jokes and story telling capabilities. If I'm about to tell a joke, I'll quickly run it through my head to see if Drew would laugh, crack a smile, or grimace. As most would result in a grimace, I've spared the world many a bad joke. No t quite a Rich Lavers' rubber chicken bad joke, but nearly. 

Nothing like sweating through your undershirt and dress shirt during work. I had almost forgotten how much I sweat until I came to Guyana where I'm literally sweating through my entire shirt. Like belly sweat, sweat through. To the point where I get comments from patients, and people start fanning me. I have resorted to thrice daily showers and three new sets of clothes per day. I have literally sweated through a pair of my sneakers. I gather a crowd of onlookers as I wring out my t-shirt after an easy run. 

My argumentativeness: Despite my sister's opinion to the contrary, I am not very opinionated. Meaning I don't have many beliefs or views that I am very passionate about. BUT where my problem lays is in my argumentativeness. If I come across someone who is very opinionated and passionate about a topic(even if it's one I perhaps agree with), I  will not suffer the slings and arms of outrageous beliefs and narrow-mindedness and take arms against them. I cannot help myself. If I hear someone start in on something so dogmatically and stubbornly that they clearly cannot see another's point of view, my variation of spider sense kicks in and take up the opposite side. No matter what. I've argued for and against the same topic when interacting with two equally stubborn people on the opposite ends of the spectrum. The problem is that I do no good. Someone whose opinions are so ingrained will never let someone else's "facts" sway them. They ignore information that doesn't confirm their thoughts and seek out like-minded people and information that does confirm it(hence confirmation bias). This really riles me up. But enough. I was telling you about things I don't like about myself not things I don't like about other people. To summarize: I don't like that I cannot help myself being argumentative in situations when I person is being blatantly over-zealous about something(anything).  

My loud sneezing. Okay so this is a weird one. I sneeze a lot and loudly. To the point where I startle small children and barnyard animals. And always at inopportune times. Like during moments of silence or immediately proceeding a handshake. 

My frequent bathroom breaks is actually probably my biggest thing I don't like about myself. It is socially awkward and just a plain annoyance. For as long as I can remember, I have gotten up about as frequently as a 70 year old male after prostate surgery which at one point prompted my mom to think I had diabetes. I didn't- I just pee a lot. Which makes car rides(or 18 hour bone jarring bus rides) somewhat less enjoyable. It also makes sleeping over someone's house a bit annoying since I am also amazingly good at finding that one squeaky floor board so inevitably wake everyone up. And, although I try to avoid bathroom talk in this blog, it also goes for number 2 as can be seen by my numerous marathon fails due to  bathroom related incidents. If I eat something my body doesn't agree with, it rejects it quicker than my advances to most females in early high-school. Surprisingly, no issues with fried food ;)

 So pretty much if I was with a group of people hiding from the SS in the attic, I'd be the one smothered to keep me from altering them to our presence with loud sneezes or urine tricking through the ceiling. Graphic I know but please see #1.

But are these negative attributes really weaknesses?  For example, my social awkwardness and bad humor might make people feel sorry for me(especially when combined with my inability to pronounce words and my slightly lazy eye, numbers 9 and 6, respectively). This could then result in people trusting me and allowing me to help them in ways others may not be able. And my very efficient sneezing and frequent bathroom breaks may help me ward off sickness as I cannot remember the last time I was sick, beyond a baby cold or self-induced nausea(see the Triple Coronary Bypass, Royal Ti Punch, the Double Death by Burger etc). AND I just read that sweating is a sign of increased fitness and efficiency. My point that the very things that we don't like about ourselves may actually be strengths not weakness and we should love and appreciate all aspects of ourselves. Well at least the ones we cannot change. I'll still utilize the WAL technique and try not to argue so defensively:)

There is a Peace Corps saying: "A pessimist seeing the glass as half empty, an optimist as half full and a Peace Corps Volunteer sees the glass and says "hey, I can take a bath in that!'" Maybe the key to being happy in life(at least with ourselves) is not focusing on our weaknesses but turning them into strengths.

Until Next Time,

Danny